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Artist's Commentary
Traveling In Tzu's Zoo

A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
-Lao Tzu

Published November 15, 2010











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Artist's Commentary
My Favorite Shade Of Green

Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.
-Cindy Crawford

That still doesn't make me feel any better when I look in the mirror.

Published November 22, 2010












Artist's Commentary

Be obscure clearly.
E.B. White

Published November 29, 2010










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Artist's Commentary
On Being Deluded By Deluges Of Delusions

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
-Jane Wagner

Published December 6, 2010











Artist's Commentary
And If That Weren't Depressing Enough

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?
-Jane Wagner

Published December 13, 2010











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Artist's Commentary
Let The Battle Begin

Never fight an inanimate object.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Published December 20, 2010












Artist's Commentary
Al's Wisdom

I don't really look at myself as the kind of person who craves attention, but I've never been
to therapy so there's probably a lot of stuff about myself that I don't know.
-Al Yankovic

Published December 27, 2010










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Artist's Commentary
The Importance of Being Earnest

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Published January 3, 2011













Artist's Commentary
Twelve To Fifteen

I'm 65 and I guess that puts me in with the geriatrics. But if there were fifteen months in every year,
I'd only be 48. That's the trouble with us. We number everything. Take women, for example.
I think they deserve to have more than twelve years between the ages of 28 and 40.
- James Thurber

Published January 10, 2011












Artist's Commentary
I Love Lucy

I think knowing what you cannot do is more important than knowing what you can.
-Lucille Ball

Published January 24, 2011








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Artist's Commentary
What If ?

A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?
-Jane Wagner

Published February 7, 2011












Artist's Commentary
Gimme' A Chance

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
-Spike Milligan

Published February 14, 2011











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Artist's Commentary
Buck The Bard

I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought,
why should I? He never reads any of mine.
-Spike Milligan

Published February 20, 2011













Artist's Commentary
Same O', Same O'

The reason lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place is
that the same place isn't there the second time.
-Willie Tyler

Published February 28, 2011










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Artist's Commentary
For Everything Turn! Turn! Turn!

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.
-John Wooden

Published March 7, 2011












Artist's Commentary
Chirpsy 1

Nothing is impossible. Some things are just less likely than others.
-Jonathan Winters

Published March 14, 2011










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Artist's Commentary
Chirpsy 2

I don't really look at myself as the kind of person who craves attention,
but I've never been to therapy so there's probably a lot of stuff about myself that I don't know.
-Al Yankovic

Published March 21, 2011












Artist's Commentary
Chirpsy 3

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
-James Thurber

Published March 28, 2011










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Artist's Commentary
Chirpsy 4

It is better to have loafed and lost, than never to have loafed at all.
-James Thurber

Published April 4, 2011
















Artist's Commentary
Gorgeous Gams

Whether you've got two, or six, or sixteen dozen, legs can be pretty important. So important that many people have insured theirs for huge sums of money. Bette Grable, the 1940's movie actress and pin up girl, had her legs insured by the studio for a whopping $1,000,000. And that was in 1940's dollars. Today, Mariah Carey's legs are insured for $1,000,000,000. Yeah, that's a billion dollars.

Dancer Micheal Flatley of River Dance fame has his insured for $47,000,000 and Heidi Klum's go for a respectable $2,800,000.

For that kind of payoff, I think I'd be willing to nick myself with a razor. Heck, for half that amount I might be tempted to chop off a toe.

Published April 11, 2011













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Artist's Commentary
In Praise of Golden Goo

You know what makes me mad, salmonella. Who invented this stuff. Do any of you remember eggs sunny side up with the gooey golden yolk running all over your plate? Do you remember sopping it up with your toast? And what about Sly? Remember him, Sly Stallone? Rocky Balboa? The Italian Stallion? He used to get up at gross-o'clock-in-the-morning, drink a dozen raw eggs, run five miles through the freezing New York City streets in the middle of winter and then go and beat up a few sides of beef. And he won the heavy weight championship of the world against Apollo Creed doing that.

Boy, try that today and about the only running you'd be doing is trotting to the porcelain throne. Or even worse, you could end up with a severe case of the deads. Anyway, I don't know who the clown was that invented salmonella, but I guess it probably was the same guy who invented Venetian Blind Sunglasses.

Published April 18, 2011












Artist's Commentary
Careful What You Ask For

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.

Published April 25, 2011








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Artist's Commentary
One Plus Wun

French is definitely one of those languages that has absolutely no place for Hooked on Phonics. Know how to pronounce "veau" as in art nouveau? It's pronounced o, long o. That's it. All those letters run together at random just to get one little vowel sound. How about "eaux" as in tableaux. You guessed it, long o again.

Boy, French is really dumb. American, that's a language that's really got its act together. All our words make sense, like one, which is pronounced wun, and pneumonia, which is pronounce new-monia. And... oh, never mind.

Published May 2, 2011