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Artist's Commentary
Soggy Sunshine

He who is drowned is not troubled by the rain.
- Chinese Proverb

I always like looking on the bright side of things.

Published November 9, 2009









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Artist's Commentary
Bert's Wisdom

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.
-Bertrand Russell

Published November 16, 2009










Artist's Commentary
'Nuff Said

Use soft words and hard arguments.
- English Proverb

Published November 23, 2009










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Artist's Commentary
Dorf 's Game

A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
- Dutch Proverb

That's what keeps Dorf at the top of his game.

Published November 30, 2009










Artist's Commentary
Funky Fungi

Foxfire is a fungi that decays wood. It biolumineses under certain conditions. Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer used it for light as they dug a tunnel in the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Glowworms are actually insects which can glow through bioluminescence.

Published December 7, 2009










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Artist's Commentary

The fastest sneeze ever recorded at which particles were expelled was 103.6 mph.

I've read that if you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib, if you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die, and if you keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out. I don't know if that last one is true or not, but if any of you are thinking about trying it, please make sure you videotape your experiment. How sad would it be for your eyes to pop out of your head at a hundred miles per hour and not be able to share it with the world on youtube?

Published December 14, 2009









Artist's Commentary
The Best Medicine

It stands to reason that if laughter is the best medicine, then laughing at people with problems, handicaps, infirmities, ailments, and dilemmas would be one of the kindest things one can do.

Published December 21, 2009









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Artist's Commentary
Riley's Expose

Not many people know that bunnies are actually quite suicidal. Andy Riley actually wrote a hard hitting expose about the issue of bunny suicides and included in it are page after page of very graphic depictions of these self-destructive little fur balls actually engaged in the act. If you have the stomach, I'd invite you to read The Book of Bunny Suicides. At any rate, some could argue that Grog is actually being quite soft hearted doing these little guys a favor.

Published December 28, 2009









Artist's Commentary
Pillow Dreams

Dreams will get you nowhere. A good kick in the pants will take you a long way.
- Baltasar Gracian

This is what I like about Maxx, he's very proactive.

Published January 5, 2010







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Artist's Commentary
9,999 To 1

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Thomas Edison

If that's Dorf's model, then I'm hiding until he's found 9,999 other animals to experiment on.

Published January 11, 2010













Artist's Commentary
Our Old Friend Freddy

My wife does this to me sometimes. I don't know why, unless it's the exhilaration of knowing one is totally dominating another human being. And I never know when or where it's coming. Some days it's just out of the blue, totally unexpected. One minute I'm minding my own business innocently drinking the orange juice from the carton in the refrigerator and the next minute it's: slurp, pop, splat. I must say, the first hundred times I reacted like Grog and ran out of the room screaming in disgust. Needless to say, I've learned a healthy respect for my wife and her always ready spit covered index finger. But, as our old friend Freddy Nietzsche was fond of saying: What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

After nearly thirty years of marriage, I can say that my reflexes are lightning quick, I can smell a saliva covered digit two rooms away and I fear no torture ever devised in the hearts of man. (That's because no man could ever devise any torture more devious or more disgusting than the average housewife.)

Published January 18, 2010









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Artist's Commentary
Have A Little Patience

Piercing and tattooing internal organs? Just you wait and see. It's coming. I don't know how long it'll be before it does, but it'll happen. If, however, I'm way behind on the times and some of you more progressive types have already blazed the trail ahead of us, please, by all means, send me some pictures. I'd love to see your pierced pancreas or your tattooed trachea.

Published January 25, 2010
















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Artist's Commentary
Safety First

I'm not as well versed in the fine art of child chunking as I am with the old and noble arts of dwarf tossing and midget throwing. Consequently, I couldn't give you any hard statistics on which device would throw a toddler further: a catapult, a ballista, or a trebuchet. If any of you have any stats and pictures of the actual launches, I'd love to see them and share them with the readers.

For those of you interested in dwarf tossing and midget throwing, the sport originated in an Australian pub in the 1980's. In 1986 the English team of Danny Blue, Roy Merrin and Lenny the Giant (he was the midget, if you didn't get the pun) won The Dwarf Throwing World Championship, which gave the sport world wide recognition. The world record for a midget toss is 12 feet 9 inches.

The sport is banned in many countries and some states in the U.S. It's probably just as well. Midgets and dwarfs are by nature quite heavy and a fella' could easily pull a muscle or develop a hernia tossing one. That's why I think it's a much better idea to toss children using old fashion siege weapons. Aside from the occasional rope burn or mashed finger getting caught while cocking one of the mechanisms, there's really very little danger of anyone suffering a serious injury. We here at Pippin & Maxx are nothing if not safety conscious.

Published February 1, 2010



















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Artist's Commentary
A Customer Speaks

Most people are awful cooks, except, of course, for my loyal readers. The problem with bad cooks is that they're oblivious to the fact. They usually, blithely latch onto one spice, which they adore, let's say garlic, for instance, and naturally assume it will go great with everything. And usually in massive doses. Please take my advice. If you're going to get into the cannibal life style. Please start off on the right foot (if you know what I mean). Don't just assume that just because you can roast a leg of lamb you can do justice to your nosey neighbors left haunch.

Below are two excellent choices for any beginning cannibal cook.

Contingency Cannibalism: Superhardcore Survivalism's Dirty Little Secret by Shiquro Takada and The Cannibal Lover's Cookbook From Soup to Nuts by Omnivorous (as told to Jon Macks).

Both can be bought at your local book store on at any of the on line book sellers. After having read the following review of From Soup to Nuts, I'm sure you'll agree it's a must have for any serious chef's library.

Did not agree with other reviewers, September 28, 1999
By A Customer
I think this book is by far the most un-funny book I've seen. I think it is child-ish and not sophisticated enough for the more mature reader. Definitley not a gift-worthy book. It's too weird.

I don't know about you, but when I hear: child-ish, not sophisticated, and too weird; that's an automatic buy for me with any product.

Published February 8, 2010









Artist's Commentary
Husqvarna Wisdom

Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Published February 15, 2010








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Artist's Commentary
Freddy Opines

Does wisdom perhaps appear on the earth as a raven which is inspired by the smell of carrion?
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Well, if that doesn't serve to brighten up your day, I don't know what could.

Published February 22, 2010










Artist's Commentary
Beware The Bloody Blade

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Published March 1, 2010












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Artist's Commentary
Nasal Immunological Thaumaturgyologist

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke

For those concerned about Dorf's right to practice medicine, I will tell you that he has a degree in and is licensed to practice Nasal Immunological Thaumaturgy. He is also a trained acupuncturist, schooled in aroma therapy, been to a seminar on magnet therapy, is well versed in the art of healing crystals, and basically knows a whole lot of stuff about exotic medicines as they are practiced all over the world. And although none of them have any proof of actually working, the good thing is, they do cost a lot and sound really cool.

Published March 8, 2010

Many thanks to Kate Brewster.














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Artist's Commentary
Mellow Yellow

It's amazing how a little ditty, once it catches on, can move the conscience of a nation. I did a little research after drawing this particular cartoon and discovered that by following:

If it's mellow let it yellow. If it's brown send it down.

we save by some estimates 3 billion gallons of water a year. WOW!! That's fantastic. And I know from my experience with public restrooms across this great nation, that it's a saying most people follow religiously. Frankly, I can't remember the last public restroom I've entered in which a single toilet had been flushed in days.

I'm also excited to see the conservation spirit that sweeping the nation extending itself to the elimination of the wasteful habit of hand washing after having used said facilities. Rarely do I find the rude and insensitive individual slathering his hands with buckets of anti-bacterial soaps and gallons of hot water in public restrooms. In person I'm not a particularly forward person and if I witness someone washing their hands (normally after they've had the audacity to flush) I usually give them my sternest look of consternation with my lips pursed and an eyebrow raised in self-righteous indignation. That usually suffices to put them in their place. I'm just looking forward to returning to the days of our grandparents when everyone bathed once a year in the crick during the spring run off.

Published March 15, 2010