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Year Two Comic Archive
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Artist's Commentary
Simply Irresistible

Just what is it that makes a woman appealing? Is it just her looks or are men looking for something more substantial, deeper. I've been accused of being shallow, but I believe that if you look at the quotes below you'll see why I'm attracted to Morticia Addams. She's irresistible, she's charming, and above all, she has the right attitude about the needy.

Debbie Jellinsky: These Addams men, where do you find them?
Morticia: It has to be damp.

[about Pubert]
Gomez: He has my father's eyes.
Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.

Morticia: I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.

Morticia: Wednesday's at that very special age when a girl has only one thing on her mind.
Ellen: Boys?
Wednesday: Homicide.

Morticia: Children, do you think we love the baby more than we love you?
Wednesday, Pugsley: Yes.
Morticia: Do you think that when a new baby arrives, one of the other children has to die?
Wednesday, Pugsley: Yes.
Grandma: Well that's just not true. Not anymore.

Morticia: Hush Mama. It's for charity. Widows and orphans. We need more of them.


Published July 14, 2008












Artist's Commentary
Sigmoidal Poetry

Please don't take this cartoon as being judgmental. I'm all for people decorating whatever part of their body they feel so inclined. People have sported tattoos and intentional scaring for thousands of years. I'm especially fascinated with Sigmoidoscopaths. These are a group of dedicated yogis who spend years training their intestines and colons to snake around into patterns that spell out poems to their beloveds. I'm not sure how their true loves actually read them. If it were me, and my beloved said she'd composed an intestinal poem for me, I'd simply take her word for it. But I'm not what one would call the romantic type.

Published July 21, 2008










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Artist's Commentary
Grandma Told Me So

I'm not a scientist, but I have it on expert authority (my grandmother told me so, so it has to be true) that rain is truly liquid sunshine. And if a scientist of Dorf's caliber says snow is frozen moonbeams, then I'll take his word for it.

Published July 28, 2008
























Artist's Commentary
The Best Things In Life Are Free

According to Title 21, Code of Federal Regulations, Part 110.110 of the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, the food we consume cannot exceed a certain level of insect fragments and rodent hairs and feces. Below are a few examples.

CHOCOLATE AND CHOCOLATE LIQUORS can have as much as 60 or more insect fragments per 100 grams and 1 or more rodent hairs per 100 grams.

can have as many as 5 or more Drosophila and other fly eggs per 250 ml, or 1 or more maggots per 250 ml.

PEANUT BUTTER can have 30 or more insect fragments per 100 grams and 1 or more rodent hairs per 100 grams.

POPCORN 1 or more rodent excreta pellets (that's just a fancy way of saying rat poo) and 1 or more rodent hairs per pound.

Lastly, WHEAT FLOUR can average 75 or more insect fragments per 50 grams; rat hairs, 1 or more per 50 grams.

All in all you should really consider yourself quite lucky. You're given all of these things for free. Were you to go to Maxx's eating establishment, all of these ingredients are on the gourmet menu and would cost you a pretty penny.


U. S. Food and Drug Administration
Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition
May 1995; Revised March 1997; Revised May 1998


Published August 4, 2008














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Artist's Commentary
Not Quite 20K

For those of you not trained in the grammatical arts, I've included a dictionary below.

flocculent - having a fluffy or woolly appearance. The chinchilla has approximately 20,000 hairs per square centimeter, the highest density of any land animal (on Earth), and is considered the softest (on Earth). Doozer probably has a lot less, but since I need reading glasses just to type this commentary, I'm really not in any position to do a truly scientific study.

indubitable - unquestionable; too apparent to be doubted. An example of indubitable would be anything your grandmother told you about the curative powers of castor oil.

Austrailias - Latin term for Australia, land of boomerangs, salt water crocodiles, and severely strained English pronunciations rivaling the British.

Marsupialis - Latin term for marsupials, an infraclass of mammals. If you're not familiar with the term infraclass, take a course in taxonomy.

Felithylacinus - an extremely rare half cat (felindae), half carnivorous marsupial (thylacinus). Doozer is only loosely associated with his carnivorous side eating only poultry, fish, pork, and red meats.

Cutesy Bootsy - a term of endearment used by those usually wishing to compliment one person while at the same time causing severe stomach cramps for everyone else.

Published August 11, 2008



















Artist's Commentary
Zombie Clown Mimes

Big sticks, sharp teeth and razor like claws: this is what many people naively believe protects them from potential aggressors. Nothing could be further from the truth. History has shown that nothing drives away aggressors better than good hygiene. This is especially true of dental hygiene. Any good dental hygienist will tell you that people suffering from gingivitis or periodontitis are eleven times more likely to be the victims of violent crimes than those with gleaming white teeth and healthy pink gums.

So, the next time you find yourself in a bad part of town, late at night, stranded, and all alone, forget your mace, your guns and your knives. Just pull out your trusty toenail clippers, give yourself a quick manicure and follow that by a healthy brushing and flossing of those old choppers. Nothing wins over inner city gangs members, bikers, or terrorists like a the well groomed citizen.

*Warning. This does not apply to mimes, clowns, Dawn of the Dead zombies or other social deviants. If you meet with any of these in a dark deserted alley, all bets are off.

Published August 18, 2008









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Artist's Commentary
Cranium Training

"Man who keep feet firmly on the ground have trouble putting on pants."

"Man who sit on tack get point."

"Man who eat crackers in bed wake up feeling crummy."

Just a few of the saying by the great Oriental philosopher Confusedus.

Not terribly profound, I'll admit, but just how deeply philosophical can one be after a life time of training to defend oneself by smashing one's cranium into bricks, boards, and cinder blocks.


Published August 25, 2008













Artist's Commentary
Fortune's Cookie

Maxx is actually a great fan of oriental philosophers. One of his favorites is Yang Zhu (370-319 B.C.) of the Zhou Dynasty (1122-256 B.C.) who said:

"Good deeds attract glory, glory attracts fortune, and
fortune attracts enemies. Thus, the wise man must
think hard before doing a good deed."

Published September 1, 2008










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Artist's Commentary
I Love Her, But She Still Sings Off Key

Massacres come and massacres go. Samson killed a thousand men with the jawbone of an ass. Of course, since then many have met an untimely demise from an ass's jawbone. But, I think that of all the most stirring and heart rending massacres recorded in history, the saga of Alice's Restaurant Massacree would have to top the list. The tale is too long to tell here, but if you ever get the chance, try and dig up an old *record album and listen to the tale of Alice's Restaurant Massacree. It's 18 minutes and 20 seconds of woe and sorry not heard since the *Akallabeth.

* For those of you unfamiliar with the term "record album" that's a large round disc made of vinyl and imprinted with tiny ridges over which a stylus, or needle, is run producing pre-recorded sounds.

*Akallabeth is the fourth part of J.R.R. Tolkein's The Silmarillion and relates the history and downfall of Numenor and it's people.

Warning: There was also a full length movie made of Alice's Restaurant Massacree and if you married an ex-hippie like I did, should you make the mistake of mentioning either the movie or the album, you'll be subjected to hours off key renditions of the Alice's Resturaunt theme song. Just a friendly warning.

Published September 8, 2008
















Artist's Commentary

In the world of language, there is what people say and what people hear. The two seldom coincide.

This comic is dedicated to dancer extraodinaire

Nicole Marquez

Our thoughts and prayers are with you daily.

Published September 15, 2008














Artist's Commentary
Triple Bogeys

If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf
would be played far better than it is.
-Horace G. Hutchinson

Published September 22, 2008










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Artist's Commentary
G/O Forces

Roller coasters are best measured in either g-forces or g/o forces. G- force is the measure of acceleration of an object and g/o force is the measure of gross out a force or movement can generate. Fighter and stunt pilots regularly pull between 6 and 9 g's. Between these numbers one can experience a brownout/ greyout which is caused by a pooling of the blood in the feet and legs and characterized by temporary tunnel vision, color vision loss and an inability to interpret verbal commands. They normally wear g-suits to push the blood back to their brains to prevent this.

The g/o factor is measured by the amount of regurgitation experienced by someone during accelleration or violent movements. It's obvious Maxx was interested in the latter, because Grumps generally relegate 6 to 9 g amusement rides to the amusement park kiddie section.

Published September 29, 2008














Artist's Commentary
Mama's Boy

Grump boys love their mothers, the meaner, the badder, the uglier she is, the better.

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.
-Mark Twain

Published October 6, 2008










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Artist's Commentary
Methodist Obscurist

One of the grotesqueries of present day American life is the amount of reasoning that goes into displaying the wisdom secreted in bad movies while proving that modern art is meaningless. They have put into practice the notion that a bad art work cleverly interpreted according to some obscure Method is more rewarding than a masterpiece wrapped in silence.
-Harold Rosenberg

Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter, I'm not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for.
-Alice Walker

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
-Woody Allen

Published October 13, 2008














Artist's Commentary
Theological After Taste

Heaven wouldn't be heaven for most of us if you still had to watch your weight. The extensive theological research I've done has shown that one of the perks of heaven will be the ability to pig out with no consequences. On the down side, some of the quirky, odd ball behavior many people exhibit do carry over. Drinking diet soda for no other reason than because one actually likes the taste, or rather the after taste, is what any reasonable person would have to characterize as quirky and oddball.

Published October 20, 2008








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Artist's Commentary
Alas, Alas For the Pithy, Sententious, Aphorism

Politics is largely governed by sententious platitudes which are devoid of truth.
-Bertrand Russell

Published October 27, 2008












Artist's Commentary
Speed vs. Cling

Actually, it depends on what you're trying to do. If it's raw speed you want, kitten fur is the way to go. Puppy fur is more clingy and therefore more conducive for tight turns and spins.

Published November 3, 2008









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Artist's Commentary
Forget the Bomb, Ban the Bath

I don't have a medical degree, but everything I've read on the subject claims that mud packs are useful in the treating and curing of: internal diseases, bruises, sprains, boils, and wounds. It also relieves inner congestion, promotes heat radiation and eliminates morbid matter. It can also be used to treat measels, gout, kidney and liver malfunctions toothache, rheumatism, scarlet fever, neuralgia, diptheria, etc., etc. WOW!!! No wonder pigs are so healthy.

I guess that proves if we simply stopped bathing and amassed enough dirt over our bodies, we'd be a lot healthier. Who knows, if we get dirty enough, we might eliminate death.

Published November 10, 2008